Silent Night, PART 3

Silent Night, Part 1

Silent Night, Part 2

"I FEEL SAD…." said the Slowicus Slothicus.  "CHEER ME UP, SANTA."

Santa tried to stretch his face into a smile, but his muscles were all working at different speeds now because the Sloth was so sad, so he sort of ended up in a weird, lopsided grimace.

"AM I LOVED?" asked the Sloth.  The anguish in his voice made Santa's heart skip a beat—or maybe it was just beating really really slowly now.

It seemed like an age and a half later (but only a few heartbeats) that there finally came another noise—a ripping noise.  Santa could see out of the corner of his eye a jagged tear in the sky.  And through the tear emerged just the man he was waiting for—BEOWULF!

Beowulf had ripped a hole in the time-stop barrier WITH HIS BARE HANDS.  (He then carefully closed the hole behind him with surprising gentleness.)  The Sloth's sad mood hadn't affected him yet, so he was still quick on his feet.  Running toward Santa and the Time Sloth, he leapt from roof to roof.  What a sight to see—the man with arms as strong as iron and courage enough to face monsters unarmed.  

When he finally arrived at their street, Beowulf gave the Slowicus Slothicus a pat on the head and a scratch behind the ears (WITH HIS BARE HANDS) and smiled reassuringly.  "I hear you had a bad dream?" he asked knowingly.  "Well, don't worry!  I'm here to cheer you up—WITH MY BARE HANDS!"  Then, without any effort at all, Beowulf reached into Santa's bag and pulled out a few basketballs.  He started juggling them (with his bare hands).  "Look how much Santa loves you!  He asked me to rip a hole in the time-stop barrier just to come cheer you up!"  

Santa's heart started beating again.  He would have heaved a sigh of relief, but his lungs still weren't responding at the normal rate yet, and he was beginning to feel light-headed.

After juggling for a bit, Beowulf put the basketballs back into the bag and pulled out a unicycle.  Beowulf wasn't very good at unicycling, but at least it could make the Sloth laugh.  Santa was finally able to breathe, and to move his arms and legs again.  Not very quickly, but enough.  He slowly walked into the bag and began to search for the boxed set of Herodotus.  It was surely around here somewhere….

Beowulf had stopped unicycling at this point and was playing hand games with the Sloth.  "ABC, it's as easy as a 123!"

Santa finally found the present between a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Zac Efron and a set of power tools.  He picked it up and trudged toward the entrance of the bag.  The Sloth's sadness was lifting, but he still needed his Christmas present.

"Sssllloooth," Santa said.  "III haaave aaa prreeezzeennnt foor yyoouu."

The Sloth's eyes lit up, and he stopped playing Pat-a-cakes with Beowulf.  Gingerly, he plucked the present from Santa's arms (Santa's fingers were still a bit stiff).  Eagerly ripping the wrapping paper, he squealed with glee as he read the title on the box.  ("Squealed" is a relative term; it sounded more like a low moan.)  Santa offered up a silent prayer of thanks.

"THANK YOU, SANTA!  I LOVE IT!" the Sloth said.  

"You're welcome," Santa said, shaking the last of the grogginess from his head.  Taking a deep breath, he gave Beowulf a salute.  "You've saved the world from mass extinction!"

"With my BARE HANDS!" Beowulf agreed.

Finally, Santa could get back to delivering presents.  With Santa's nod of approval, Beowulf escorted the Slow Sloth back to his cave in the Appalachians, where he sang "Silent Night" in sign language (with his BARE HANDS).  Soon the Slow Sloth was sleeping happily, dreaming of reading Herodotus when he awoke.

A little while later, Beowulf returned to Santa's sleigh.  The hero was humming triumphantly to himself.  "Since you're not time-stopped, and you're here with me," Santa suggested, "perhaps you could help me finish delivering these presents."

"I'd be happy to help you!" offered Beowulf.  "In fact, I'm really good at delivering presents with my BARE HANDS!"

Suddenly, Santa had a vision of broken windows and crumpled presents being stuffed down chimneys.  "Maybe I'll let you deliver the ones where the doors are unlocked…."



THE END (For now)





Happy Christmas, everyone!  God bless you and I hope you have a wonderful day celebrating our Savior's birth and singing kumbaya and exchanging presents with the ones you love.